August 20, 2006

Restlessness

Restless - that's how I would describe the state that my life has been in for the past year.

By now it's starting to become a drag. Yes, I'm travelling and doing fun stuff but there's always this thing around making me unable to focus on anything. And it comes down to the fact that I still don't have a proper job.

It's a no-win situation though: when I try to concentrate on jobhunting things I get obsessed and it's on my mind too much. When I try to cut down, relax and take my mind of it, I start feeling guilty about relaxing.

::sigh::

I've decided over the last week or so that things need to change. I can't be doing this much longer so I either need to give up and be happy with the job I have (not an option) or try to work out a different strategy which will get me inspired again to also be putting in some effort in other things than jobhunting, like some sort of volunteer work maybe. And slowly work towards something different. Anything different.

Then again, saying that things need to change is probably creating a problem in itself...

Coincidentally, the pages of my agenda run out on Sunday. Excellent timing, as it looks like I won't need it until mid-October again (holiday and work travel straight afterwards). Hopefully by that time I'll have a bit more clarity in my head again as well.

Why do I need to make these things into such huge problems? Why can't I just be happy with the relative luxury of having a good life as it is?

2 comments:

Cookie time said...

I think you're being to hard on yourself dear. Take the time to figure out what it is you really want and try to make a plan for it. In the meantime enjoy the easy job and it's perks and enjoy your travel!! you're too nice a girl to beat yourself up about not getting what you want straight away! x

machiruda said...

I'm sure I am being too hard on myself. And I don't know how to change it.

This week is starting off badly - and am starting to piss off people at work as well, my new boss for example, which isn't good.

Maybe I just need to change jobs altogether, instead of just cutting the hours here as I was planning to... I should really get offline, instead of sulking on here though ;-)