I don't know if it is the darkness outside, or just now finally 'feeling' home again or whatever, but there is too much going on in my head at the moment. Well, the previous post probably made that clear as well.
I have started thinking a lot about perceptions. How people perceive others and which consequences that could have on a further relationship (in whatever form) with those people.
For instance, I don't think this blog is a very accurate reflection of who I am. Maybe that also isn't what I want it to be but some people reading this - and who don't know me in real life - will have quite a different idea of what I'm like than the reality of me. Clearly, the on-line machiruda is only part of me and that is fine. (Come to think of it,
Ianqui had an interesting post on this last week or so.)
But, it also applies to me in real life. Of course, you don't really get to know someone after only that first impression but it has struck me lately how far off people seem to be. Or rather, how little people think outside of the boxes in their head and have one set image with what I look like and what I do. And by extension, how I always seem to surprise people by what I do.
The most concrete example of this that I can think of is that most people who meet me in a work-environment (or sometimes even elsewhere) are usually shocked when I order a beer or glass of wine at a social work thing. It isn't as if they are surprised to see me drunk (which they don't see), they are surprised to see me drink one single glass of alcohol. Why is this? I thought it is more uncommon for people
not to drink so why the surprise that I actually do? Imagine the surprise of (and ensuing stories by) my colleagues in Baikonur when they actually saw me
outside of the office as well. I.e. having a life, dancing, drinking & flirting in the local disco.
On one hand, I don't mind, because hey, half of these people don't need to know me.
But on the other hand it can be frustrating too. Because what if this is part of the reason why I'm not able to get past the interviewing stage (or letter-stage even!) of jobhunting? Clearly they shouldn't select on if someone looks like they can hold their liquor or not. But what if I look too serious, too conservative? I don't particularly want to change the way I look, because that would probably make me look much too unnatural. But still.
One of my 'tasks' for this week was to find out from friends how they see me to find out how different (if at all) that is to how I see myself. And maybe it will give me a whole new idea of me and of what I want and can do. Well, I've seen a few friends over the weekend but this hasn't come up. I'll do better next time I see people :)
Of course, first impressions are important. This is what we all (subconsciously) base a lot of desicions and ideas on about the people we interact with. And that is fine, as long as this impression doesn't determine everything else that follows with that interaction. Sometimes it just feels that that crucial first impression that I seem to give off is just miles apart from whatever else I have to offer - and it negatively influences what comes next.
Do you feel you match the impression that you give to people? Or if we limit the question to online vs offline persona's, do you think they match in your case? I'd be interested to hear what others think.
